When Your Husband Is Deployed

As the attendant at the gate began instructing people to board the plane, my heart sank. 

This was the moment I had been dreading for weeks now. 

My husband of six months stood from the seat next to me and gathered his bags.

My eyes were burning with the tears I was trying to hold back. 

I felt so weak and full of despair as I kissed him goodbye and watched him disappear down the ramp.

All at once my legs couldn't hold me any longer, and I sank into my chair, sobbing. 

People stared as black mascara ran down my face. 

It was embarrassing to be such an ugly wreck in public.

When your husband deploys, it is not romantic. 

It is not picturesque.

Its not a picture perfect foot-popping kiss in the sunshine.

It is awful, and it is hard.

But it is also an opportunity for sanctification.

It is an opportunity for joy.

My heart fails when I think of all the days and weeks and months that will pass before he comes home.

I want to cry as I consider all the events and functions I will attend by myself.

I'm tempted to despair when I think of all the nights we will each spend alone.

Every whisper of my heart tells me that I can't do this. 

But I know and trust that God can.

As the days pass slowly, I realize that when I abide in Christ and take refuge in Him he gives me grace to smile, to find joy. He gives me the strength to wait patiently, and to carry on.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

- Psalm 73:26

If I focus on my own pain, invariably I am depressed, gloomy, and ready to weep at a moments notice.

Not only do I sink into a miry darkness, but this attitude is also sinful.

But when I seek to find joy and strength in Christ, I find that he gives me a spirit of joy, 

even in the midst of my sadness.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with all thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4:4-7

It is difficult for me to find that balance; 

to come to a place where I can be joyful and righteous,

 even through the pain in my heart at being separated from Scott.

My sweet husband's words were perfect as he described this to me in yesterdays email. 

He said:

"I too am at peace here, resting firmly in the paradoxical serenity of intense longing for you 

tempered by trust in the Lord."

Now, there is an important difference between being sad, and being selfish.

One form this sadness can take is self pity, which focuses solely on yourself, and is completely prideful.

Self pity is characterized by bitterness and the desire for pity from others.

Seeking for others to feel sorry for you is a huge red flag.

But certainly you can be sad without being in sin.

We must examine our hearts to identify between the two.

So, these are the things God is impressing upon my heart this week.

Please y'all, don't feel sorry for me.  Yes, its hard. 

But there is such sweet peace that comes when your heart is right.

And when it is difficult, there is squeezing and stretching and molding.

And there is a transformation from light to greater light.

And, Lord willing, in the fall there will be a happier trip to the airport. 

And then there will be foot-popping kisses in the sunshine, 

and there will be all the cuddles and hugs we've been missing.

And there will be hand holding, and declarations of love all tumbling over each other. 

Oh, I have goosebumps just thinking about it! :)

May Christ bless you,

Love and blessings,