Learning

Intricate patterns of glittering ice cling to evergreen branches.

Cheerful sunshine's golden rays reach to touch this cold landscape.

I step outside the door, breathing in the stinging cold. 

Clad in boots and coat. Journal, and mp3 player in hand, I start off.

 I love to walk.

 Quite time, treasured moments between only God and myself.

I watch my breath cloud in front of me.

All around me, the beauty of creation sings praises to the Creator.

There is an oddly-bent tree on our property which I have claimed as my own.

That is my destination.
As I walk up my driveway towards my tree,
I listen to the lyrics of the song "Everything" that trills through my headphones.

"And how can I stand here with You, 
and not be moved by You."

Those words sink deep into my heart.
Conviction.

How often do I stand in the midst of God's glory, but harden my heart towards Him?

It sounds terrible. It is terrible.
But in all honesty I do it far too often.

I numb myself towards His prodding.
I clap my hands over my ears to block out His calling.
Or, like Jonah, run in the other direction.

These thoughts dance through my mind, paining my heart with their ugly truth.

"Would you tell me, how could it be any better than this."

We sacrifice Jesus Christ, the only thing that is truly worth having,
on the alter of self.
Choosing pride, comfort, fear, or a sense of control, over Him.
And often we do it unconsiously.
I mean, we choose it, but we don't frequently say,
"Today I want to choose my comfort and ease over God."
Sometimes we just get scared and try to take control.
Or, we subconsciously believe the lie that God doesn't really have the best for us.

I reach my tree, make myself cozy, and open my worn journal.
I need to write this down!

I am so very thankful that, though I choose to serve myself rather than Jesus,
He is always there, calling to my heart.
Remaining faithful while I choose not to trust Him
Waiting for me to be willing to step off of the throne and let Him rule my life.
And over and over again, here I am,
standing right with Him, but choosing not to be moved.
And He has been waiting, He is drawing me to Him.

Is He waiting for you too?